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When we did our weed walk we started in the invasive garden. This garden has a mind of it's own. I've long given up trying to tame t...
Tuesday, May 22, 2018
Wild Empath Chronicles protection part 3
So many things had happened in such a short period of time. Moving from park to park and enjoying the most beautiful places on the planet. Incredible canyons, multi colored rock formations, lush forest of green and light. No beauty was missed, nothing over looked. But the ride had stopped and it was time to get off.
Hooked on amphetamines, her tall slender frame was down now to 89 pounds. She looked like a refuge from a concentration camp. Every bone protruded, the long lean muscle nearly gone. He reminded her of that often. Of her diminished looks, her inability to think rationally, her need for him.
He was good at what he did. He saved her from a foe, and allowed her to think he would protect her. In her heart she knew there was no connection, but the wonder of the new drugs he introduced her to clouded her sight. First it was speed, she loved the feeling. Next there was the wonder of psychedelics, acid, mushrooms, peyote. All doled out in small doses, but enough to break the mind. Always you think you have control, always you were wrong.
The systematic way of destroying a person’s self worth is not as hard as you might think. It starts small, an innuendo, a comment, a look. Then as you react to the stimuli with shame or sadness, the force takes hold, and the comments more brutal, the reactions more fierce, the shame finally etched on her face.
The continence had changed. Shoulders now slumped, a face that showed fear or worry, inability reason unless it was to guess what he wanted the answer to be. She was gone. He played her like a puppet. A quick smile would bring her joy only to be debased for some little thing of no consequence. There were no friends in the new town, no one cared, and after all he reminded her many times, she was hardly worth the trouble. She was lucky he put up with her at all. She was broken, mind, body and spirit
She was done. She sat alone in a coffee shop at the counter, a plate of French fries in front of her and a pepsi. She was just lost. The fry cook made polite conversation, and she tried to respond, always looking at the door, hoping he wouldn’t catch her talking.
A young woman entered and sat at a booth. She beckons her over, “please join me she said”, I hate to eat alone”. She did so, happy for the company, but still unsure of the reason. The woman told her that her name was Lem. It was her initials and that she never told anyone her real name. It was just the way she was. The women chatted lightly of things that don’t really matter. The diner, what to have for lunch although it was quite late in the afternoon. As she was lolled into the conversation, mostly just nodding at the right time or offering a short answer Lem, surprised her.
“I have someone I want you to see, she said. He can help you.”
She assured Lem she needed no help, but Lem insisted and handed her a card. It was for a psychologist. She smiled, “I am not crazy”.
“Just humor me, Lem smiled. I will walk over with you after I eat. You have time today, you aren’t working”. She smiled and wondered how she knew that, but kept it to herself.
The walked over to a nearly vacant building, there were many empty offices, and Lem stopped in front of one. The walked inside and Lem introduced her. The Dr. was a young man in his 20’s she guessed. He had kind eyes, and a sweet smile. She was embarrassed and worried; she told him she had no money and that she didn’t want to bother him.
She turned for the door, and Lem held out her hand. “Please stay she asked, just talk that’s all, just for a little while.”
The Dr. led her into an office sparsely decorated with just a couple of chairs and a table. The Dr. motioned for her to sit and he explained that this was a government run program and no payment was necessary. The Dr. asked her name, and soon they were discussing her life.
“He is right you know, she started, I am not worth the effort, I have become so ugly.”
At the Dr. laughed, not a mean sound but a sparkling gentle sound. “There is nothing wrong with you, only what you have chosen to believe”. The Dr. told her what had happened, how he made her feel this way. That there was no reason for her to put up with it, and as he talked she started to feel more empowered, it wasn’t just the words, but a feeling, an energy. Not too much different than a pep talk really, but as the reasoning started clearing and the amazement at what she had allowed to happen, she started getting mad. She mentioned how her father made her feel that way; it was easy for her to believe the words she had heard all her life.
The Dr. took out a card and wrote on the back “My father, who’s approval I no longer need, but who’s love I’ll always have’ and gave it to her. “This is your ticket out,” the Dr. told her.
She got up to leave and shook the Doctor’s hand. She asked him for more cards to give out if anyone needed help, but he told her, that was the last one.
As she left the office she made a plan. That night she went home told him she was leaving. He laughed, and told her that she needed him. She held firm. The next day she got boxes at the store and packed up all his stuff, and put it outside the door. She locked up, put the couch in front of the door. That night she heard him banging on the door yelling terrible things. The neighbors must have bothered him, he left with is stuff, and she didn’t’ see him for a couple of days.
She was good at saving money, and had a few hundred dollars saved up. He knew this.
I had been a little over a week, and she was starting to think he wasn’t going to bother her anymore. She met some people at work, and was starting a new life.
One morning she was getting ready for work. She was in the shower when she heard a loud crash. He had kicked down the bathroom door. As she looked around the shower curtain, he pulled a knife, one of those folding buck knives. He grabbed the curtain and rod and threw them on the floor. He held up the knife and started for her. It was then she heard it. Do not be afraid. I will not let him harm you. She took a deep breath. He screamed at her to give him the money she had saved. She calmly answered no. He lunged for her, and she didn’t move. It was odd, his eyes went wide, and he just stood there for a moment, then turned around and walked away.
She stood there in shock, watching the water slowly soaking the bathroom floor. She didn’t move for what seemed a long time. Finally she uttered a thank you, and sank to her knees and let the tears fall.
She got to work late and finished the day. She had gone to the police and filed a report, but they couldn’t do anything because nothing was stolen, and she wasn’t hurt. That wasn’t what she wanted, but it was on file incase something happened again.
She decided to go to the psychologist’s office to tell him what happened, as she walked up to the building, there were no cars in the lot. Thinking back she couldn’t remember if there were any the first time she was there or not. As she walked to the office door, there was a feeling of being watched. She looked down the hall, there has a older man watching her. He asked if he could help her, she politely declined and started to open the office door. The handle had dust on it, and as she looked in the window she noticed the room was empty. She turned to the older gentleman and he smiled. They must have lost their funding. They have been gone now a couple weeks.
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