I'm sorry I haven't been on here much. The world has been a little crazy and it has taken a lot of energy to keep my part of it going.
I was musing this morning about things and wanted to share some of it.
Last night I was finishing up the laundry and as I was hanging up clothes, I was thinking how nice my 3 good flannel shirts were clean and ready for the new week. How in the heck at 63 years old did I end up with 3 good flannel shirts! I have several, don't get me wrong, but these are my favorites. They are the right weight, size and color. But really? Who at this time of life has good flannel shirts?
This got me thinking about where I thought my life would be at this stage. First of all, don't get me wrong, I love my life. I get up every morning and start the day saying good morning to my critters, my dog, my horses, my chickens, even my feral cats. As I am feeding and cleaning pens for every one, I feel a connection to them and to the earth. There is something about animals that bring out the good in most folks. Then I walk my dog around the property a few times, listening to the birdsong, and looking at the tracks the visitors left from the night before. Deer, raccoons, skunks.... yes all the good things. lol Then to say my prayers at the top of the hill.
I have noticed that more I thank God for all in this world, the less I seem to need to ask for forgiveness. Not sure what the correlation is, but I have simply noticed it. Maybe I am living more in a way I'm not causing "as much" trouble. Or maybe my memory is failing :)
Then it's time for work. I will be working till I am done on this world. I am totally okay with that. It gives me purpose. And as I look at things going on in the world today, I think this is a fundamental thing that is lacking in many people's lives. The simple feeling of purpose. It kind of makes things make sense.
My circle has gotten much smaller, it's more pure in some ways. People in my world understand me, I don't have to be careful how I phrase things. Some folks see me a little eccentric, another boon of being older, we can call it eccentric now.
Being older has so many upsides. We all age different, I have some friends that are sedentary in a positive way, looking more interior, I have some friends that are still riding horses and kicking butt. I seem to be somewhere in between. It's all about genetics and how you lived your life. There is no hard and fast rule for where you should be at during any time period of life. I mean really, its right up there with being 63 and having 3 good flannel shirts.
H Tammie,so often you say things that make sense to me in ways othing else does. Not sure why that is. Maybe it is just because we have always seemed to understand each other.Or maybe you are just good at conveying things. I know I am about to ask for forgiveness and I don't like having to do that. It's actually been longer than I can believe since I needed to do that and tbats something but I can't do much about being human. It's been a hell of. Strain on me controlling my temper the last few years. Mostly because at times I have wanted to just let go and werak havoc. Just nowhere there is a purpose for that these days.I am grateful I caught myself before I went too far this time though. I could wish I never had a certain influence in my life.Not really sure if I will ever be free. Can't complain though,I am doing way better than I ever thought I could or would be.and it doesn't even surprise me that as ironic as it is that the same person that helped create the problem eventually pissed me off so much I saw a chance to use that to help me with a bunch of things I thought I would never be able to deal with. I suppose that it is a good thing I didn't realize how intense that was going to be before I opened that can of worms. It was 4 years ago nearly to the day.I remember talking to ,ou and two other people and thats it. And I remember deciding right after to make the onmy new years resolution I have ever made. Was totally glad I did too. I don't remember lot about that week. I onky remember what made me so angry I finally lost ma temper with a certain person that thank God wasn't around and just opening up a door that had been closed and locked for around 35 years. I have three good blankets.They are warm and sfoft,soft, the right weight and color and they aren't the ones that keep me warm on the outside.they are the ones that make me feel good on the inside. I was pretty sure I was never going to live this long.I also never expected to wake up one day and reslecz the person looking back at me in the mirror. But I did and I do.And yea you were right. I can afford to give myself a break now and then. One day I woke up and realizd nearly half my life was gonenifnI was lucky. And I remembered back all those years ago to something ny grandpa said to me and realized why mostikely he didn't understand when he said he and my father were never lucky in games or life and I was. I make most of my own luck grandpa. Things migbt go well for me but I do things to try to help life go more my way. Mostly that was just trying to be a decent person the best I could before I had the slightest idea how to do that. Love ya!
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